Refusing to love for fear of suffering is like refusing to live in fear of dying. – Jim Morrison
Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. – Khalil Gibran
If we are incapable of finding love in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere. – Robert Smith
There’s a legend that says that a long time ago, on an Hawaiian island, an unusual custom was observed.
Johnny Lingo had come to bargain for a wife. A dowry was paid to the daughter’s father.
The regular rate was three cows for a wife. If the girl was very special, four cows would be given.
Someone tells an unconfirmed story that a young lady a very long time ago had gone for the amazing sum of five cows.
The girl of little value, sullen, undesirable
A father had two daughters: one was very nice, the other was considered by her neighbors, and even by her father, to be of little value, sullen, ugly and undesirable.
Old Dad had decided that he only expected to receive one or two cows for the little value daughter.
The truth is Old Dad considered her daughter only a burden that he had to feed so he was even willing to let her go for no cows at all.
Johnny Lingo was the richest man on the island. One day he came to visit this little family. No doubts he would choose the pretty girl.
Everyone was stunned when, instead, he called on the ugly daughter. Old Dad was overjoyed. He knew Johnny was a wealthy and generous man so he expected to receive at least the standard sum of three cows.
Now imagine the surprise when Johnny brought ten cows. Old Dad couldn’t believe it! He made quickly perform the ceremony, before the guy could change his mind.
The amazing change
Johnny endured some derision; however, they left the island and they took a honeymoon.
Two years later, they came back.
People were astonished. The girl, Mahana, had changed dramatically and nobody recognized her at first.
She wasn’t a shy and homely girl anymore.
She was now a beautiful, confident and happy young lady; her charm was so great, that people started to think Johnny had really gotten a bargain.
People asked: “How can be she so different?”
“Think about how it must make a girl feel to know she is worth only one cow.
Before she believed she was worth nothing. As a result, that’s the value she projected.
Now, she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands. It shows, doesn’t it?”
Bottom line is: if you want to have a long lasting romantic relationship and take it to the next level follow the these steps…
1. Make your partner feel important
Many things can change a person.There are things that happen on the inside and things that happen on the outside.
However, what matters most is how she views herself. If you make her believe she is worth nothing that’s the value she projects.
On the other hand, if she believes she’s worth enough, life will reflect this belief.
In short, think about the value you put on people because people respond according to the value you place on them.
2. Commit towards the same vision of life
You have to trust that the other person is as committed as you are to the vision for your lives together.
You have to feel the same dream. You have to feel the support of a person that says: “I am as committed as you are towards this vision of life”.
Build common goals or projects to achieve together. It may be having children, building a home, the next holidays, starting a business together.
Also accept your partner without judging. In a family you feel accepted, protected, you feel a sense of belonging. You don’t feel judged but only loved.
3. Learn to love yourself first
All relationships are, first of all, a relationship with ourselves.
Our relationships reflect our conscious and subconscious mind.
So the most important question to ask ourselves when something is not going the way we would like is: “What thoughts and beliefs are present in me that are making me a match to this unwanted situation?”
If you heal any aspect of yourself, any emotional wound and grow into a complete, whole version of yourself every relationship is easier.
The reason is that now you feel inner peace and everything grows from what you hold inside of you.
4. Don’t hold yourself back
As I just said, if you grow into the whole version of yourself every relationship is easier.
The truth is, however, that nobody is truly a whole, complete version of himself. Not even the most enlightened spiritual teachers of the past as Jesus, Buddha, etc.
So, if you close everybody out of your life, no matter what you achieve, you are not going to feel completely fulfilled.
You need someone to truly love and support each other.
You are going to see sides of you that you didn’t know. That’s when you’re really going to grow and become more whole.