The “rescuer” dynamic happens in a relationship when the people we are attracted to have the same emotional wound that we do. For this reason it causes a flare up in the wound we both share.
One of the reasons why a relationship can be chronically painful is because you share the same emotional wound.
You are just trying to heal yourself through the other.
However, what happens is that the other person exacerbates your wounds and you will ask them to solve the problem and make you feel better. But this is not the case, the pain gets only worse.
On a subconscious level we attract people into our lives who mirror the aspect of ourselves we are missing.
Together we feel more whole since we see in them positive aspects that we denied in ourselves because of trauma or emotional wounds. However, the baseline vibration that makes people attract is exactly the same.
For example, take two people, both of them with the same baseline vibration: insecurity and social anxiety.
They both want to hide but they have opposite traits.
One hides by closing in home and avoiding people; the other hides by creating a persona and becoming the class clown.
Or another example, one hides by closing herself at home and avoiding people; the other hides herself by traveling and starting over in new places every time.
They may seem opposite but the vibration behind their personalities is exactly the same: it’s insecurity and social anxiety.
And this same vibration is also their unhealed wound.
So, here’s how the rescuer dynamic works. On a subconscious level, you have always wanted to heal your wound.
However you are not aware of that wound and the only way to see it is to step in front of a mirror.
In this case the mirror is your partner.
At this point you start to try to heal the wound in the reflection because you think that if you can heal the wound in the other person, you can heal yourself.
You become compulsively attracted this kind of people, thus becoming a rescuer.
The problem is that you may not be aware of your wounds and your partner reminds that aspect of you. The result is that the wounds exacerbate and the pain grows bigger.
So, the solution is to become aware of this pattern and go to work on the real issue, that is your own wound within yourself, not someone else’s.
You have to change your life in ways that it feels more stable by cultivating positivity and building self-confidence.