Is Attraction Enough in a Relationship?
Love is a state of oneness. By loving someone, you include them as yourself. Love is attraction to another person. But is it enough for a long-term relationship? Contrary to what we may think it’s not.
The reason why attraction is not enough is because it can be defined on two levels: a conscious and subconscious one. On a subconscious level we attract people into our lives who mirror the aspect of ourselves we are missing. Together we feel more whole because we see in them positive aspects that we denied in ourselves because of trauma or emotional wounds. We want more of it. We become addicted to this attraction (or love on a subconscious level).
“Need” is born from a vibrational space of lack. It’s something we crave, it’s something we absolutely want, it’s something we feel we will die without. On the other hand, “desire” does not come from that place of lack. So it doesn’t cause the kind of pain that need does. Desires are things that we want but we don’t think we are going to die without them. Our conscious mind has desires instead our subconscious mind has needs.
Love in a relationship is based on those two levels. And the subconscious mind often wins out because we are motivated by our inner void to find any way we can to fill that void. We may realize that after the void is filled, suddenly we see that our conscious desires are going totally unfulfilled. Because now the other person is just a reminder of the rejected aspect of ourselves. Now both people in a relationship reflect to each other their lost selves. This is why people with less emotional wounds or less trauma, make better relationship decisions: they are not attracted in a relationship by the wounds of the past. So there is much more conscious to the relationship than subconscious.
What happens when a big incompatibility is present, is that two people have desires that are pulling in two opposing directions. They are opposing to a degree that they cannot accommodate one another. So the desire to make the relationship work goes away. This is why love (on a subconscious level) is not enough. Love needs conscious compatibility and commitment.
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